updated.

[posted 17 January 2022, updated 23 February 2022]

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because when a relationship ends, I must have contributed something that leads to the doom of it. 

I miss you a lot. How can this hurt so much?

I wish I knew everything you were doing for me, I wish you knew everything I was doing for us.

I wanted us to work out, so much, to a point where I thought with my current emotional state, I couldn't do enough. 

How can you stop having feelings so quickly? Was it all not real? Was it all just infatuation?

At least to me, what we had was real. 

What am I going to do now? I am lost. I wish you were here with me like you promised. 

If nothing is going to work out, can you promise me again, that you will never forget about me?

About birthdays

Birthdays have always been so special to me. Perhaps because I have never been treated specially and wanted to experience how it feels like to be extremely loved for that one day.

There were many unforgettable birthday moments for me during my past 21 years of birthdays, but this year is probably one of the birthdays I feel really loved and appreciated. 

I remember crying and ranting about how lonely and left out I would be on my birthday, I was anxious, I was afraid of not having a companion, I was feared being abandoned and that people don't even remember my birthday. 

But, blissfully, I was wrong. Thanks to my beloved friends.

Thank you so much, to every single one of you for making me feel blessed, and loved. 

It’s 2018

I cannot believe how quick time flies. I was going to update a recap of my 2017 before it ends but it ended, so soon. 

2017 has been a great year for me, I turn 18 & it was a turning point of my life, a transitional period from a high school student into a university student. From naive to slowly becoming matured. Lost my phone, bought one, worked, studied, realised.

In 2017,

I scored pretty decent grade for my Sem1 & Sem2 of foundation. I feel grateful and really glad, but to not turn my excitement into a show off, I did not post it on social media or tell the entire world about it. I guess I will continue to work hard in silence and let my success make the noise.(but not so much noise I guess, I fear.)

I also bought an iPhone 6 using my own money from working last year.

I got both motorcycle and car driving license. I failed once for both test but guess what I passed them eventually. Hehe. (I literally jumped and yelled at the driving institution after knowing I passed)

I reconnected back with my high school crush. I didn’t tell him I liked him though, although my actions pretty much showed everything 😂 he was someone who would play guitar to me, someone who was very special, mysterious. I don’t think he liked me though hahahahah :/ but everything was a “was”. He changed and started to smoke, started to consume alcohol, he also told me that he probably has depression. Well. I was having a tough time knowing that he’s changed but I got over it and moved on. We don’t talk anymore. But he was still a quite vital person during my high school life thus yeah. I think I will make him a card for his birthday this year(2018). But trust me though, I have moved on. I will be continue searching for my true love this year~

In 2018,

I wish to be better. It’s something I say every single new year but hey, who doesn’t want to strive for better? 

I wish to find a boyfriend, and in order to do that

I have to become prettier. I have to started being more fashionable(this was my new year resolutions a few years ago wtf cece u unproductive lil shit)

I have to spend money on things I love. Food, clothes, stop hesitating. You’re almost 19 Cece, nothing to hold back anymore. But still control abit la LOL

2018 will also be the year I officially move to Kampar. Many things will change, and we will see. Hope things change for the better, not for worse.

Next update will be about new year I guess. Oh ya, I also came up with an idea of creating a Vlog, for my evolution (LMAO) and I will start Vlogging about slowly becoming more fashionable I guess? 😂🤣 also the new year video I had been talking last year which didn’t happen 😅😐 hahaha! 

I also kind of want to reupload videos of me singing song covers and songs I wrote? 🤔

I too, want to have tattoos to cover up my hideous looking scars. 😭😢😞

I’m currently sitting at Starbucks alone, blogging. I’m leaving now, because I feel like peeing and I guess that’s all for this post? 

❤️

Thoughts while Working

working is boring. & I'm totally bored being a book seller while waiting for transportation. 

This is why I am now typing this blog post...coz I've just updated& downloaded this app yesterday, pretty useful this app is now...in curing my boredom hahaha~

I started my first job when I was 13 (or something I don't remember) it was a Kilang job. Kilang means factory in Malay by the way~ sitting on a chair for hours, making calendar and not be able to chit chat. I still remember that I had dreams of me making calendar during that time. It was an awful experience I could say...the bell that rings and symbolises our working time every morning at seven.....it was a nightmare. The wage too, was so little... I quited the job together with my cousin and never wanted to get back again.

My second job was being a teaching assistant in a tuition centre. That job was exhausting for me because I was part time working while studying. I did not even have time to study for examinations, and I was Form4....so called honeymoon year but it's actually a crucial year to score well in SPM. But for my braces, I still continue working and eventually achieved my goals. I think I've mentioned this on one of my blog posts before.

They say you win some, you lose some...certainly I gained money for braces, but thinking back, I sacrificed a lot of my time.

This job I'm currently working on is book Seller in a school. I'm sorted to a school at Kepong, KL. 30 bucks a day but it's definitely not worth it. Since this place is far from where i live( Seri Kembangan) and the wages are not high. There's 2% commission for those optional books & stationery...hence I'm trying my very best to hard sell them. this improves my English and Malay language skills. It also helps me to gain experience of being a "sales girl". Well, something like that. 

Soon I'll find new jobs since the time period for this job is ending. I'll be receiving my SPM results too on March. Graduation night is on tomorrow. Ah, I look forward to it. Reason? I'm wearing contact lenses and high heels for the first time. I am also wearing long dress and makeup (WOW IS THIS EVEN CECELIA). 

Tomorrow night will probably be the last time I see some of the people who I used to see everyday in secondary school. Pretty saddening just by imagining it, eh? But this is one of the stage of growing up, no matter how sad am I, I've got to move on.

As what I said on yesterday's post, stay tuned for the photos. I'll try my best to look decent HAHAH! 

At least memories never die. 

2016 is ending

I've abandoned my blogger for almost a year, therefore the first thing I would like to do here is to apologize...although no one actually reads my blog LMAO.

2016 has been a year full of challenges, sweats, tears, laughters, happiness and memories. My year to sit for SPM. My last year in secondary school. My last year being a teenager because I'm turning 18 next year. My first time buying contact lenses. I got my first ever high heels. My first time calling 999/ the ambulance to help saving someone. First time in my life I determined to become more fashionable. Attending my once in a lifetime graduation night soon on Wednesday. I genuinely feel that me myself is growing up. Started earning money by working part time job. Started to have new year resolutions and dreams but still struggling about what to study in the future.

There're so much more little things that happened this year...and what I've learnt; what I've gained; what I've lost.... my last time; my first time doing all those things. 最美好的照片，是记忆的画面。I cannot put all them into words.... instead of writing them in this blog post, I guess I will just let all these beautiful, wonderful, even awful pieces of memories to remain in my mind... and I will cherish them for the rest of my life. 

Finishing SPM, it means that I am already in the turning point of my life. No one knows what the future holds. I'm seventeen. In this point of my life I feel happy; I feel that I am afraid, I am also perplexed and dazed. I believe soon I will figured out all the questions in my mind that is currently making me struggle.

Do not worry, because I am back to blogging (I think, hahaha if I'm not lazy). I will update about the graduation night with photos. Stay tuned! 

(⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)