Fingers crossed.

✩
just found out there is a special character emoji keyboard, but there is no black star emoji :(

It's almost 6am in the morning. I have so many thoughts on my mind that I think I need to write them down. So here I am, back at blogging. It hasn't been too long since I last updated my blog...right?

So tired of explaining myself.

I used to have so much to say. What I have been through, what I feel, I tend to be willingly expressing it. Yet, slowly as time passes by, I realize sharing your pain is rather something pathetic. It is not in a bad way of course, but don't you just hate it when people disregard and underestimate your pain, and think that whatever they have been through is more severe, more tragic, and makes whatever pain you're in, seem so trivial. 

I guess allowing yourself to immerse in your own pool of emotions also includes keeping some emotions to yourself. It's not like it is so bad to express your feelings, but I guess sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. Sigh...I'm so drained.

Karma is a bitch and I'm living for it. Things are falling back into place and I have a feeling that life will get better and better. There are still struggles obviously, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to experience a little hurricane before sunshine.

I guess being kind and genuine eventually is leading me somewhere. Here's to all the nights I spent on crying and self-blaming. You're not at fault Cecelia. Time will prove it.

最近挺喜欢带耳机听歌，好像又回到在sungai long读书每天搭巴士回家的那时候。

刮风这天，我试过握着你手；

但偏偏 雨渐渐 大到我看你不见，

还要多久，我才能在你身边？

等到放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点

从前从前，有个人爱你很久；

但偏偏 风渐渐 把距离吹得好远...

好不容易 又能在多爱一天

但故事的最后你好像说了...拜拜

喜欢晴天，可能因为我的名字也有个晴字吧。

Oh if you ever feel so exhausted of explaining yourself to others, I think it's fine that you don't. You don't have to put everything out there, try so hard, just for people to understand. 

Note to self: The ones who love us, will never really leave us. 

--Dumbledore

The ones who love us, will also at least try to understand that sometimes you can be wearied of shit and need a break. 

I hope things will get better and better for you, me, all of us who are having a hard time. The hard time won't last for long.

🤞

无题

那晚，只有微风在吹
却格外寒冷
枯叶凋零
没有生气
只有她在那偌大的房子里躺着
灯没有开
只有微弱的月光陪伴着她仅存的最后一口气
角落好像有个似人非物的长形黑影
她孱弱的身子似乎想要对着空气说些什么
但即使房子寂静
也听不见半个气音
角落的黑影说
“是时候了”
她渐渐地闭上双眼
再也没有呼吸
寒冷孤单的夜里
只有她眼角流下的泪是热的。

Yeah, I write down random thoughts when I can't sleep sometimes...my Mandarin writing skill has not been improving ever since form 4 ugh... Anyway, I wrote these two poems a few weeks ago.

我为赤裸裸的真心
披上一件小棉袄外套
因为世间寒冷
一不小心就会冻着。

After publishing "not Toxic Positivity" yesterday night, I somehow was so eager to let people know about my blog. I want my content to be noticed, to be read. Well, nevertheless, I do not know whether should I share my blog link to my other social media platforms or not. It's like I want people to read my blog, but not everyone. I also do not want to seem like I am desperately asking for it. :/ Hmm...

You know, I have just realised that,

receiving attention only feels great when you did not ask for it.

Another day another embarrassing thing I do

One of the #FactsAboutMe is that I do embarrassing things all the time.

4-4-2017 (Tuesday)

I was chit chatting during work with two of my friends. A family consisting an uncle, an aunty and two young men passes by, wanting to buy Hokkaido cheese tarts as usual like any other customers. I assume the uncle was the father, the auntie was the mother and the two young men were the sons. The mummy was speaking in Korean to the youngest son. Me, a person who's obsessed with Korean guys, was apparently really happy and 花痴 because duh! They're KOREANS! I kept telling the two of my friends( in Chinese) and my colleague (in Malay) about how happy I was to see Koreans speaking Korean & I couldn't help but kept smiling. 

Customers generally ask us to reheat the tarts (if they want hot ones) because FYI there're different ways of eating Hokkaido cheese tarts. I personally prefer cold ones and I basically put them into the freezer before consuming. TRUST ME IT TASTE RLLYYYYY GOOOOODDD~ 

Out of topic lol.

Ok so after a while the youngest son came back and asked my colleague to reheat the tarts. Since I assumed that Koreans don't understand Chinese (stereotype) I kept talking about how hot the guy was, how handsome Korean people are and how much I love Korean people. YEP, I want a Korean boyfriend in the future!!! If I can lmao. After around five minutes of being a 花痴, I said to my friends "what if he actually understands Chinese? Haha, I would be dead though" 

I turned around and looked at the guy, he was actually smiling with the look "yep I understand Chinese" 

My whole mind went blank....

Damn, I just embarrassed myself.

Miserably.

After the guy left, I kept punching myself and asked myself WHY AM I SO FKN STUPID????!!!!

All my colleagues & friends does was just laughing at me. I've told my parents about it, & they laughed at me too😑

But deep down inside, I truthfully want to meet them again lol especially the youngest son. All I can remember was, the youngest sons skin was a little tanned, he has double eyelids, has braces, he was wearing a pink(?) cap, a white singlet and a denim jacket. For the elder guy, he has the typical Korean looking face, white skin, and he was wearing a puma green jacket (I like the jacket) 

I was too embarrassed to talk to him, I should have asked for his name, at least! Sigh.

But then, he must be used to this kind of situations already, kan? Since he is so hot & the fact that he's Korean.

Blablabla. I kinda believe in fate, so if we're meant to meet again, we will. Hahahah, bless my stupid 花痴 heart.

Annyeong! (˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵)

I Have Braces!

years ago, maybe standard six. i started to realize that my teeth is really uneven and crooked, and very ugly. i started to be insecure about it but didnt make any move, maybe because i was still young, didnt care much about what others would think or how i look.

since primary school i have always wanted to be a host, tv host. my friend once said that : "you can be a really good host but you should really go fix your teeth first"

i did not feel very upset because i agreed with it. therefore, when i was form three, fifteen, i told my parents that i really wanted, or more accurately, needed braces.

if you know me quite well you probably will know that i am not from a rich family, in fact, my parents do not even afford to pay 7000+ bucks for me to have braces. hence, i started to save money since then. of course i did not starve AHAHAHA just saving money like a normal person.

last year, 2015, i was form four and sixteen. i started a job as a teaching assistant in a tuition centre. i was quite busy about that (my results also turned bad altho its not entirely because of working). those times were hard man, maintaining studies, tuitions, koko and work. SO TIRED, SO EXHAUSTED. :( fortunately, some students which are totally sweethearts, always there to warm my heart.

{^o^}

eventually i saved & earned enough money (2500bucks) and my parents finally allow me to have braces and TA-DAA. :) 

{:目}

don't magnify the photo ah HAHAHA

thinking back the time when i didnt have braces, even laughing out loud becomes something hard for me. even smiling for photos also, extremely unnatural. although i don't look any much better now but i am very glad....after two years or more i will be having perfect teeth, even thinking about that makes me so so delighted! :D

some people think that im following trends since alot of people that are around my age went getting braces. but bruhs, u know what had i been through? :'( *sobs* 

anyways, this is considered as a very privotal thing for me myself, and i would really love to share. so i hope you enjoy this blog post and stay tuned for more updates ehehehehe :3 <3

CNY is coming very soon and i am very excited about it!!!! :D

goodbye loves ~

20 facts about me #1 :3

Twenty facts about me ;) 

👊- My name's Chang Chee Ching, 郑紫晴in Chinese. The name Cecelia was given by my mum before I was born & I knew it when I was five. I prefer people calling me Cecelia / Cece. ☺

👊- Good food makes me extremely happy & I spend most of my time eating. #fatcece 

👊- I learn how to play guitar, harmonica and melodica by myself. 🌚

👊- I turn sixteen on October 12th this year. (Give me presents ehehe jk)And yeah I've been single since 1999. #proudofthat #2fab4u hoho

👊- I have a serious face when I don't smile & people tend to think that I'm mad all the time (??lol) but I'm actually quite nice... XD

👊- Wanting for braces coz I don't have nice teeth. therefore, when I smile, I look weird. (Duck face ftw??) 😂

👊- Huge love for flowers, black stars, amazing youtubers & boy bands omg 😭❤

👊- I have only one sibling which is a younger brother. He's annoying yet adorable. 😝

👊- I love Avril Lavigne & One Direction and words cannot describe how much I love them!! :* 💕💫

👊- I always want to be better but I'm super lazy to try hard. :/ 😓

👊- I suck at socializing(i think). I basically consider myself as an anti-social person but if you started to get close with me, I could be the craziest gurl you've ever seen           HAHAUHUHUHOHOHEHE 💁

👊- I'm blunt & obvious.

👊- I'm obsessed with watching wrestling(WWE) but most of my favourite wrestler are retired. 💪😳

👊- There're much more than 20 facts about me. :3 🌚

👊- I hate cheese! Except for pizzas cheese coz pizzas are baes 😘

👊- I love watching movies especially fantasy series's ❤

👊- I've always wanted to be a part-time detective in the future & Sherlock is mah all time favourite show ;D 😍

👊- People who love me are the people I count on. ;) 💕

👊- Might be the world traveler in the future but I have acrophobia TvT 🌚💪

👊- Currently lost & needing something to strive for :/ 😫👊

hahahahaha! I'm so free and bored so yeah :P love writing facts about me, myself. Will be reading these older, probably will laugh HEHEHEHE XD

oki, I'm so lazy to type so buhbye~! will be updating soon if anything thats worth blogging happens ;)

★