updated.

[posted 17 January 2022, updated 23 February 2022]

[click: Read More]

because when a relationship ends, I must have contributed something that leads to the doom of it. 

I miss you a lot. How can this hurt so much?

I wish I knew everything you were doing for me, I wish you knew everything I was doing for us.

I wanted us to work out, so much, to a point where I thought with my current emotional state, I couldn't do enough. 

How can you stop having feelings so quickly? Was it all not real? Was it all just infatuation?

At least to me, what we had was real. 

What am I going to do now? I am lost. I wish you were here with me like you promised. 

If nothing is going to work out, can you promise me again, that you will never forget about me?

Grow

Is this really what you want
what you need
Or is it because it happened
So you just go with the flow
And bear with it

Growing up has never been this hard
Like a rock hitting a fragile piece of card 
Broken and shattered
Empty heart and a face full of tears

A pat on the head 
A tight hug 
Looking in her eyes and say
I know you are not okay

It takes time
Like what all of them say
But when will it end 
For me to become truly happy 
Truly happy once again?

感触

夕阳无限好

只是近黄昏

记录每一刻开心的时光

因为人生无常

珍惜眼前人

Thoughts while working 2

A full time job has come to me like finally. 

I'm currently a staff of Hokkaido Cheese Baker Tart.

Thanks to one of my friend for recommending me to this opportunity after seeing the "Vacancy" signboard.

This job is not hard. As an "experienced" part time worker / promoter, being a cashier & one of the service  crew is easy for me. It's just that, when there's no customers, there's actually nothing much you can do... that is when boredom strikes.

You see how free I am, I am writing this post in the middle of my working. Sometimes I kind of feel regret of getting myself a job though, I miss being a 废青.(someone who just sits at home and do nothing because she/he is too free)

But anyway, experiences and money are also vital comparing to freedom. Therefore, I just let myself survive until the end of April 2017, alright.

One more day to getting SPM results, I'd be lying if I said I'm not nervous. Honestly, I am, a little nervous. But since I already know how badly I screwed it up, I've already prepared myself for the disaster.

Will update soon! ❤️

what actually matters?

you guys probably have no idea what happened these days...sigh. i don't even know how to put those into words. too many things happened, and to be really honest, i just feel really tired. but at the same time, i enjoyed things, i learnt...

maybe photos could tell you more? 

not to show off or whatever but these sum up my sixteenth , still have more to go tho... :)

do you ever feel lifeless...or emo or started to realize that they are actually alot of fake people in your life, even tho she or he is your close friend??? 

do you ever feel like theres no one to talk heart to, everyone seems busy with their own life as time passes by, as we started to grow older???

do you ever feel like, you are too dumb to realize ??

or is it just me who feel this way?

sometimes i really don't know how to deal with fake friends 

i think its a time for me to learn

but i don't wanna lose any of my friends

i appreciate each and everyone of them

i'd rather be dumb

i'd rather not find out the "truths", never

with that, i might not doubt my friends, might not doubt myself

"did i do anything wrong?"

"why do the haters hate me?"

i am 16, in a phrase where you started to learn things about "living"

i want my life to be happy, fullfilled, not wasted

not full of sadness, doubts, and fake friends.

i don't know what to do

can you tell me what to do?

i always say, when i am sad, i blog. because blogging always makes me feel better. it does though :)

+ the form fives are having SPM right tomorrow...means they're leaving us...leaving the school...to achieve their own goals :')

我会舍不得你们的 很舍不得 尤其是sayang我的那些你们... </3

what will i be without the form fives???? how????

i cannot accept the fact that, months later, me myself will be a Form5. which means ... i am facing SPM, more obstacles, more challenges...

but as i said,,,it's time to grow, right?

it's time to grow, Cece

you'll be better 

you'll strive for better

you'll have faith to strive for better :)

i believe in you, Cece

yes, i believe in myself.

late post for being 15 ❤️

So a month ago, I celebrated (not really) my fifteenth birthday. October 12th. And I can say that this year is probably one of the most memorable birthday I've ever had! I just want to thanks my best friends Esther, lexin , Elaine and peiyen for organizing and attending a day at midvalley to celebrate the day and to give me surprise. I just want to share with you how the day was going...☺️

So normally we arrived midvalley and had a short walk, peiyen and Esther said they wanted to buy something so we separated into two groups and shopped all around, we went to forever 21, topshop and cotton on which are those shops that I've never been before (I'm serious haha) and suddenly Esther called lexin but I didn't really know what were they saying, I just heard about buying cake for me and I was actually pretty glad HAHAHAH 

Afterwards we met again and Esther and peiyen told me the boys weren't coming. I wasn't very upset because I thought our girls day out would also be great hehe. And then they recommended to eat something at xuliushan so I went there (I was the first one who arrived) and I saw the boys sitting there playing with their phone lol. I was like lmao your plan failed! HAHAHAHA XD 

So we sat down and Esther & peiyen were like : shit you guys(the boys) ruined everything! Hahahaha 😂😂 and they bought me a little slice of cheese cake which is my least favourite thing. (I hate cheese!) and I remember I mentioned it earlier to my guy friends that I don't want cheese cake for my birthday 😓😓 but nevermind haha I was happy because at least they bought a cake for me. 

Later they sang the birthday song for me and the crowd was looking at us which made the situation really awkward HAHAHAAH OMG but I still felt really touched and they called me to make a wish. After I opened my eyes, what I saw was a big round chocolate banana cake. I was like OH MY GOD YOU GUYS AHH hahahaha :p I was so delighted and we had a photo taking session and I received quite amount of presents from the boys.

After that, we the girls decided to go shopping while the boys wanted to watch movie so we separated. While we were shopping, I surprisingly received a call from Javier and voonbin(my another bunch of guy friends) that they reached midvalley and they were finding for me. I was so so awkward and embarrassed because we seriously were not that close and we only know each other this year. We eventually met and they gave me a present which was really cute and wrapped like a candy! ;D

They went away afterwards and we went to eat Korean food and take selfies as usual hahaha. Soon after it, we went home. And I was so excited that I couldn't describe.

I seriously am so blessed to have friends like them and they really made me so happy! I couldn't be more grateful.☺️❤️

{the gifts!}

{sticky from lexin}

{sketchbook from Esther which makes me cry!!!}

Except for this bunch of best friends, I have another bunch of close friends too. They made my form three life full of colours and happiness ;) dason, powyee, tzexin, shanni, Carmen and my classmates...you know who you are ;D

{buddyz hahah}

{tooth pain HAHAH }

{me 🌚}

{my Gui Mi :3}

Never forget my class teacher I like the most: Puan lim. We are so glad to have you as our teacher and I hope 3daisi3 will fight for their future no matter what. (Even if I drop to lower class next year coz I failed my science and my pt3 result was plain shit lol)

{dear Puan lim ❤️}

And mostly thank you for these amazing friends who made my life better and happier! Especially lexin because of the sticky XD and Esther...you're the best! 

FABULOUS FIFTEEN. 🙆✌️

oops

OOPS! IT'S ALREADY JULY? OMG. I DIDN'T UPDATE A SINGLE POST DURING JUNE :( UGH...BUT WHATEVER :p

so the form three students are basically screwed up by the PT3's shits. sigh. we're like the most pitiful batch of students, all the "hard works" we paid during the past two years are all wasted. What do you still want from us? TvT

And now, i am extremely worry about this PT3. i have feelings that i am definitely going to fail it. AM I? ugh. i don't know anymore. STRESSED!!! :'(

Anyways, i've got myself a pendrive :D i saved all my favourite musics, videos/drawings i made, my photos and a file named "shitty PT3" HAHAAH.

I don't think I will be blogging so much since now, I NEED to prepare for this shit. so yeah, if cece's lovers miss me, just come here :* MAH FB , MAH YOUTUBE CHANNEL , MAH TWITTER & MAH INSTA. Or you can ask me questions on http://ask.fm/CeceliaChangCCC :)

Miss me like how I will do.

xoxo

huh?

it's 2014 already?
oh. 

Hai peeps, I'm back! 2014 is going well(?) so far and I'm really content hahaha *giggles* I have too much things to blog about, but there are TOO MUCH. So, am I gonna let photos to say the words? yes.

{ChaiQing and Esther. They're mine hahaha}

{Esther ;) <3}

{yummy!}

{yumz}

{Kimchi that Esther and I ordered two times, oh, miss those times :(}

{Mine hahaha :p}

This was last time :) every year, we three will gathering together at each other's birthday date and give each other presents, eat together, chit chat together. But this year, everything will be different. Esther is immigranting to US for her studies and she will seldom come back to Malaysia. :( Our promise will be last, but not "real" anymore, coz we're going to celebrate this with Esther by...SKYPING ! lol :P

Dear Esther, can you please don't leave me? My school life & everything without you beside me would be so so so BORED & LAME!!! I might be irritating you these days but frankly I just really cherish the times that we can still laugh together, help each other, laugh each other, study together, eat together and EVERYTHING :( You know how much you mean to me, you know it! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE BEST FRIEND AND THE CLOSEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD, ESTHER!!! (dear felicia emerald chaiqing and the friends i like chillax i still love you kay) 

I'm so upset la. But I'm strong enough, as you said, I am a strong girl right? ;) I won't disappoint you hehehehe :P (I WON'T CRY I PROMISE :''D)

Back to the photos I've posted, yeah, we had delicious green tea & strawberry ice-blended(?) together and MAH GURLZ gave me their presents <3 aww thanks (there's no space to say thankiew between us HAHAHAHA)

High school life is turning to be more serious and fun! (even though i still have haters -.-) Most of my friends have grown and become more mature ^^ but still, dramatic. IT'S OKIE LA WHATEVER MAN AT LEAST I AM STILL FABULOZ HAHAHAHAHA :3

Will update more these days coz I have decided to be a pleased and cheerful person + don't be lazy and easily upset anymore + be cool. lol (I always am :B)

Lastly, a picture I love a lot to end da post! :D
{we three.}

- you'll never know how much they mean to me -

Thanks for stalking and I love you. 

The year is going to end

hey!!! I'm eventually here, blogging!! I know you've been missed me a lot. Do you? NGEHEHE :P 

My holidays had spent really well <3 and i still have a lot of photos to upload for you all to see but photos arranging is really knotty! :( And yeah I watched The Hobbit: Desolation Of Smaug with Felicia, my brother and my mum <3 We watched at The Mines, and we had starbucks. OMG. It's exactly what Felicia and I did last year man. I WANT THIS TO BE CONTINUED EVERY YEAR!!! <3

Ordered mpcha frappucinno, and the waiter wrote my name nicely(not really lol), a smiley and "smile". aw gosh i feel so blessed!

{aw <3}

{felicia and I <3}

A really bad newz I'm going to announce. My phone is officially dead! ugh! So upset and pissed at the same time :( But fortunately I saved some photos & musics into the computer *long sighs*

Lately I've been attached to boy bands and their songs are truly amusing. Here are some songs I recommend you to listen in case you haven't (they are really great omg)
1. You & I by One Direction
2. Angel by Westlife 
3. Secrets by One Republic 
4. Counting Stars by One Republic
5. As Long As You Love Me by Backstreet Boys
6. Uptown Girls by Westlife
7. My Love by Westlife
8. I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys
9. Little White Lies by One Direction
10. We Own The Night by The Wanted

;) 

There are still a lot of great songs out there and I love to explore new nice musics! hehe :D
Can't believe that the year 2013 is going to end so fast :( I built a lot of nice memories with my friends and family this year :'') I have to catch the time & update this blog avail it's still 2013 haha *cramming* 

Apart from this, I really like it when guys be very nice to me but at the same time I'm afraid of getting crush on you. :( You know we're still young and I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I hurt some nice guys who treat really well to me and I'm here to say sorry coz I really don't have the feelings for you :( Sorry for rejecting, unless you're someone special :x haha. 

It's okay to have curiousity about love during puberty right? :P 

Frankly I still have a lot to share and a lot to blog about but meh just leave it to the next post haha :3 *laziness overload* 

Buhbye! xo

Bello! ;)

I find this word cute. It's from the banana-potato thingy lol! Despicable Me 2. :O Plus it's Avril new album's name!! BELLO. BELLO.

I kinda have a feeling to blog today c: Let's talk about my results? It is bloody bad though. I wish I won't be in the third class next year...lol 

(Actually I have nothing to blog about hahahahahaha no not funny oh well so yeah what should i say next)

I'm so looking forward to the holidays! I have camp and I'm going to Johor :) I'm delighted! :D I've missed my cousins in Johor a lot and I haven't been in Johor like... four years already! I think I am gonna have some fun. NGEAHEHEHEHEHEHE *big fat grin* 

I suddenly quoted this while I was in school. --> I am a loner. With insanity full filled. 
Seems cool right? But yeah that's me. 

{started to be cocky. meh.}

Currently obsessed to cool sporty guys with tan skin. (Or light cinnamon) *perasan* I'm likin' it. :3

goodbye yo.

Struggles.

Blah :p HELLO PEHPLE. before I start this, lemme spam some photos as I said in my last post :)

{captured in sinar harapan camp. you know I seldom edit photo right.This is genuine nice.}

         

{:)}

{Compliments on my capturing skills? :D}

        

{ugly ok }

         

{when the hazes hit! mask on}

{sinar camp's vanue}

{:)}

{:)}

{loving this outfit}

{Time Square ;D WORLD LARGEST CAPSULE VEDING MACHINE}

       

-spam ends- :P

Has been awhile people :) 

Since I ditched my blog earlier lol. Nah, not even called ditch but i was just so damn lazy to blog. I am a bloody lazy ass. Literally :x Hmm...many things happened in these days though. I smiled, cried, laughed. Eventually, I can feel the stress , sadness and pressure of teenagers. IT IS NOT EASY TO ENDURE MAN. We pass through pains. I can't deny that there's a lot of struggles in high school times. Everyone seems wearing a mask and you can't even see them clearly inside through your eyes. We have to use our heart, and mind. :) 

Fake people, arrogant people, attention seekers, bitches, cunts, nasty people and a lot of disgusting ones. We face. Struggles about friendships, relationship with family, and the most mainstream one, relationship aka love. LOL I don't feel like talk much about this because I'll probably get down. Hm. 

We have to see clearly, who are our real friends ? Who are the ones we can exactly count on? We have to be smart of our every decision. ;) 

Teenagers have struggles. But they have happiness too! I found plenty of real good friends! They treat me with their sincere heart. I feel blessed. Genuine blessed. I'm not going to mention them because they know it ;) 

*long sighs* People around me changed. Somehow. From hot to cold , from good to bad, from bad to worse, from passionate to cool, from talkative to love to hide, from happy...to upset. I'm really really fed up on these shits. Couldn't even endure. To people who changed, please, turn back to your own self and stay. You guys are the ones I do really care.▲ 

So yeah I'm gonna end my rants coz I don't want you guys to be upset after reading my blog :p 

What about talk something 'bout studies? :) As usual, worse. Lmao. Got 70th among five hundred+ students. Seems good but really SUCKS. 

An obsession with stars these days ★. Just like my dream, perhaps now I'm just a dull star but I believe, someday, I'll shine, brightly. ;) ♥ Actually I have much to say but you know it's so hard to express by typing and it's so difficult to pour out all the feelings inside your heart just by typing. Hmm so yeah I just want to be a happy kid and happy always. Live a simple life ✔ 
Love everyone who loves me. ♬ Goodnight. ♪ 

ciao ★

Hey

Have een so long I didn't update my blog, so today I gonna write something and share some experiences in earlier 2013 :)

So...honestly I'm upset because I separated with my friends,good friends. And my new class just don't even like 1 daisy 2 anymore. Hmm, but completely is okay, because I'm sun~ HAHAHAHA :p

Okay I admit that I'm narsisscm.errr, sometimes XD

I recognized some new friends ~ so happy LOL and I've joined many different persatuan, I want my school life as busy as it can. :)

I get stucked by Kiss You video!!!! Haha, love one direction so muchieee ^_^ I love Louis and Niall, you? Leave a comment! :D

Just wanna be wiser :3

Just now i ate Subway's meal and it is so delicious :F *slobering*

Kay, blog updated. I will update soon :) love you guyz and....let me KISS YOU !! Haha :*

New year . Fresh start .

Happy New Year everyone. It's 2013!! We all have been safe. What the heck ? doomsday? aha -.-
New year . Fresh start . 
But dearly, I miss the past :(
I will rock 2013, make it awesome :)
Remember, 2013 won't be good to you, but you can make it as amazing as you can :D

HANG OUT WITH BESTIEEE SWEETIEEE ! ♡

Well today is a very very very very AWWW GOOD DAY! ♥ So I hang out with my bestie, she called Emerald ;) She is at the same school with me this year, but she transfer to MRSM,Melaka in the mid year..... 
NO :O 
I miss her soooo much! So that's our best time today! We take so many photo and share our happiness, funny things and sadness to each other. It's hard to find a best friend like her. She such a friendly cute and awesome girl! ♥ loving it, yea. 
We have a big hug while we separate, a little upset ehh :( wish we can meet always! Cecelia really happy having you! Ahhhhh ♡

All the best for you!! Bye Cecelia's lover :p