Fingers crossed.

✩
just found out there is a special character emoji keyboard, but there is no black star emoji :(

It's almost 6am in the morning. I have so many thoughts on my mind that I think I need to write them down. So here I am, back at blogging. It hasn't been too long since I last updated my blog...right?

So tired of explaining myself.

I used to have so much to say. What I have been through, what I feel, I tend to be willingly expressing it. Yet, slowly as time passes by, I realize sharing your pain is rather something pathetic. It is not in a bad way of course, but don't you just hate it when people disregard and underestimate your pain, and think that whatever they have been through is more severe, more tragic, and makes whatever pain you're in, seem so trivial. 

I guess allowing yourself to immerse in your own pool of emotions also includes keeping some emotions to yourself. It's not like it is so bad to express your feelings, but I guess sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. Sigh...I'm so drained.

Karma is a bitch and I'm living for it. Things are falling back into place and I have a feeling that life will get better and better. There are still struggles obviously, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to experience a little hurricane before sunshine.

I guess being kind and genuine eventually is leading me somewhere. Here's to all the nights I spent on crying and self-blaming. You're not at fault Cecelia. Time will prove it.

最近挺喜欢带耳机听歌，好像又回到在sungai long读书每天搭巴士回家的那时候。

刮风这天，我试过握着你手；

但偏偏 雨渐渐 大到我看你不见，

还要多久，我才能在你身边？

等到放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点

从前从前，有个人爱你很久；

但偏偏 风渐渐 把距离吹得好远...

好不容易 又能在多爱一天

但故事的最后你好像说了...拜拜

喜欢晴天，可能因为我的名字也有个晴字吧。

Oh if you ever feel so exhausted of explaining yourself to others, I think it's fine that you don't. You don't have to put everything out there, try so hard, just for people to understand. 

Note to self: The ones who love us, will never really leave us. 

--Dumbledore

The ones who love us, will also at least try to understand that sometimes you can be wearied of shit and need a break. 

I hope things will get better and better for you, me, all of us who are having a hard time. The hard time won't last for long.

🤞

not Toxic Positivity

when i was very little, i thought the world revolves around me. well, not in a very cocky manner, but i thought my life was like a live streaming movie and my eyes are the lens. until i get older and older, i realize how oblivious i was, i am just in fact an insignificant little dust in the enormous world.

I have always been a ball of emotions, and I loved writing and expressing my feelings through words. Since young, I have been writing novels in Mandarin, and now I write English poems from time to time. For me, the thing that matters most is not the overflooding beautiful vocabularies, but the feelings and emotions you put in when you write something. If you are feeling happy, the readers can feel it, same goes to when you are feeling upset. 

Hmm...what do you think I am feeling now?

Insignificant little dust wants you to know that you are not alone. They always say we are going to die someday, but aren't we dying little by little day by day? We are experiencing so many different emotions every day, let me name some negative ones I feel recently: feeling abandoned by the people who used to be one of my sources of happiness in university, feeling betrayed because the ones I never thought will leave me alone eventually left, feeling helpless because I performed very badly this semester, feeling exhausted because my family do not understand my stress and have been adding a lot more stress on me.
In fact, we are surviving, little by little, day by day.

(gosh I hate how I'm so used to doing assignments that I automatically justified the paragraphs)

I sometimes feel like I am the loneliest, the worst, the most pitiful person in the world. But don't we all feel the same sometimes? Everybody has their own shit to get together with, everybody gets hurt, everybody learns, and eventually, everybody grows.

(delusional people cannot get into this club sorry not sorry)

There are so many other things in life we should be grateful for, and I am not even going to name it, because you already know it. This is not toxic positivity, but look, the sky is so beautiful, the world is so beautiful, you, are so beautiful. innit?

It is totally okay to feel broken, to feel upset, depressed, to feel like no one understands, to feel unmotivated in life. The emotions we immersed ourselves into, be it negative or positive, are so precious. 

I have always loved drowning myself into the pools of different emotions. You may wish to not feel anything anymore when you're sad, but what is sadder, is not being able to feel anything anymore.  

xo

Je t'aime beaucoup, la vie est comme ca, si, juste allez avec c'est

(damn, i just want to flex my French a little at the end, not realizing how bad it is hahaha. that's all for now, salut)

Malheureux

Just the thought of you 

Stings me.

I feel my chest cramping 

Like a monster is in me.

I wanted to dress to impress

Have snacks to release stress

Make sure I am not depressed.

Efforts I put in become less

But you are still there

And said I’m the best

Thought I had other friends,

Where are the rest?

Flash-backs 

Are something that I hope you not look at

Do not think back 

Because I am not a part of your memories,

Not yet.

I find myself longing for your messages 

Every second every day

And even if my love will not be reciprocated 

I hope I will find my way

Back to the life full of joy and happiness

I pray.

Wanderer

Like a drifter you are,

There’s nowhere you belong;

The place you called home,

You don’t stay for long.

You want to be set free,

But you’re abandoned;

Because among all these stones,

You are a pea.

What a tragedy,

The heart suffers from an injury,

Fake love is your remedy,

Loneliness is your enemy.

All you want is to feel loved after all, 

Is to belong to a shelter you can call home;

Like how the seawater leans on the seashore,

Or a mind that can comprehend, a soul that is grown.

I Have Braces!

years ago, maybe standard six. i started to realize that my teeth is really uneven and crooked, and very ugly. i started to be insecure about it but didnt make any move, maybe because i was still young, didnt care much about what others would think or how i look.

since primary school i have always wanted to be a host, tv host. my friend once said that : "you can be a really good host but you should really go fix your teeth first"

i did not feel very upset because i agreed with it. therefore, when i was form three, fifteen, i told my parents that i really wanted, or more accurately, needed braces.

if you know me quite well you probably will know that i am not from a rich family, in fact, my parents do not even afford to pay 7000+ bucks for me to have braces. hence, i started to save money since then. of course i did not starve AHAHAHA just saving money like a normal person.

last year, 2015, i was form four and sixteen. i started a job as a teaching assistant in a tuition centre. i was quite busy about that (my results also turned bad altho its not entirely because of working). those times were hard man, maintaining studies, tuitions, koko and work. SO TIRED, SO EXHAUSTED. :( fortunately, some students which are totally sweethearts, always there to warm my heart.

{^o^}

eventually i saved & earned enough money (2500bucks) and my parents finally allow me to have braces and TA-DAA. :) 

{:目}

don't magnify the photo ah HAHAHA

thinking back the time when i didnt have braces, even laughing out loud becomes something hard for me. even smiling for photos also, extremely unnatural. although i don't look any much better now but i am very glad....after two years or more i will be having perfect teeth, even thinking about that makes me so so delighted! :D

some people think that im following trends since alot of people that are around my age went getting braces. but bruhs, u know what had i been through? :'( *sobs* 

anyways, this is considered as a very privotal thing for me myself, and i would really love to share. so i hope you enjoy this blog post and stay tuned for more updates ehehehehe :3 <3

CNY is coming very soon and i am very excited about it!!!! :D

goodbye loves ~

what actually matters?

you guys probably have no idea what happened these days...sigh. i don't even know how to put those into words. too many things happened, and to be really honest, i just feel really tired. but at the same time, i enjoyed things, i learnt...

maybe photos could tell you more? 

not to show off or whatever but these sum up my sixteenth , still have more to go tho... :)

do you ever feel lifeless...or emo or started to realize that they are actually alot of fake people in your life, even tho she or he is your close friend??? 

do you ever feel like theres no one to talk heart to, everyone seems busy with their own life as time passes by, as we started to grow older???

do you ever feel like, you are too dumb to realize ??

or is it just me who feel this way?

sometimes i really don't know how to deal with fake friends 

i think its a time for me to learn

but i don't wanna lose any of my friends

i appreciate each and everyone of them

i'd rather be dumb

i'd rather not find out the "truths", never

with that, i might not doubt my friends, might not doubt myself

"did i do anything wrong?"

"why do the haters hate me?"

i am 16, in a phrase where you started to learn things about "living"

i want my life to be happy, fullfilled, not wasted

not full of sadness, doubts, and fake friends.

i don't know what to do

can you tell me what to do?

i always say, when i am sad, i blog. because blogging always makes me feel better. it does though :)

+ the form fives are having SPM right tomorrow...means they're leaving us...leaving the school...to achieve their own goals :')

我会舍不得你们的 很舍不得 尤其是sayang我的那些你们... </3

what will i be without the form fives???? how????

i cannot accept the fact that, months later, me myself will be a Form5. which means ... i am facing SPM, more obstacles, more challenges...

but as i said,,,it's time to grow, right?

it's time to grow, Cece

you'll be better 

you'll strive for better

you'll have faith to strive for better :)

i believe in you, Cece

yes, i believe in myself.

oops

OOPS! IT'S ALREADY JULY? OMG. I DIDN'T UPDATE A SINGLE POST DURING JUNE :( UGH...BUT WHATEVER :p

so the form three students are basically screwed up by the PT3's shits. sigh. we're like the most pitiful batch of students, all the "hard works" we paid during the past two years are all wasted. What do you still want from us? TvT

And now, i am extremely worry about this PT3. i have feelings that i am definitely going to fail it. AM I? ugh. i don't know anymore. STRESSED!!! :'(

Anyways, i've got myself a pendrive :D i saved all my favourite musics, videos/drawings i made, my photos and a file named "shitty PT3" HAHAAH.

I don't think I will be blogging so much since now, I NEED to prepare for this shit. so yeah, if cece's lovers miss me, just come here :* MAH FB , MAH YOUTUBE CHANNEL , MAH TWITTER & MAH INSTA. Or you can ask me questions on http://ask.fm/CeceliaChangCCC :)

Miss me like how I will do.

xoxo

u_u

well i find that "u_u" emoji kinda cute so i just simply put it as title because i really don't know what to put there u_u

So recently I've been really busy(not really lol) so i did not update shits but yeah i still tweet u_u|| and if you had read my last post you'll basically be curious of what happened to me these days lol so imma gonna tell you now :P

1)Dad and mum are being mean and idk why perhaps they are having some troubles and i feel like they kinda over-protected me.(in my opinion) because i am like, a not-so-independent-girl who always trying to be independent and they are like "no you cannot". I know, they are really care about my safety but please, I am already 15 (nah lol) and I think it's time for me to grow up. for examples, I walk back to my grandma's house these three days and sleepover there because my parents went to Cameron Highlands and "throw" me and my bro to my grandma's house. lol and I decided to not burden my uncle and aunt to fetch me so i told them i will walk back home. Today i have ping pong meeting so I stayed till 3:30p.m. and when i reached home everyone's like "oi where did you went do you know everybody is worry bout you faster call your baba mummy and tell them you're back, FAST!!!" Fine...I called my dad and my dad scolded me and said "you think you're so clever is it now?" whaT THE HECK ?! I don't think I did anything wrong and I just think that they OVERLY CARED ABOUT ME! Especially my grandmother. plus I really dislike my aunt, uncle and grandma coz they always behave like a bitch/smoker/gossiper and I REALLY REALLY REALLY STRONGLY DISLIKE THEM. *trying to not bother about their detriments* 
{>:(}

2)Stressful coz the government has changed PMR to PBSMR and that shit actually irritated every single student (or teachers too). I always remind myself that this is an important shit and please do well and AHHHHHDAHAOJABFHWUW DO RE MI FA SO DONE WITH YOU!

3)Became busy coz i joined lots of koko(extracurricular activities) for marks and wow never wonder that is so exhausting.

4)Not sure about myself but I'm having a very strong curiousity about LOVE these days and meh you cannot judge bc i guess everyone had/have this kind of feeling before >~< I don't really have a crush right now or maybe my eyecandyz are way too much. LMAO!!

YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO BLOG an imma glad because I am not lazy today and blogged kinda a lot! n_n

Furthermore, I'm going to add a new tag on my blog : TO-DO-LIST (shopping list juga)
YAY. I believe that having a to-do-list & shopping list basically motivates me to be more hardworking and more assertive!!! ^o^

{hehe}

To-do-list and shopping list might be updated very soon and i hope y'all awesome readers will be patient about that heheh :3 
Love ya, peace! ★

Aches

i have a little secret to tell you, but you have to promise to not let anyone know

"once upon a time, there was a little girl. she's a very hyper girl and she always smiles! but one day, she's killed. and the people who killed her was the one she trusted the most "

i made the story!! :P

ok so i've been receiving tons of hurts these days and it's a very long story till i feel really lazy to type it out so yeah lol im just quoting what i think after getting hurt ^^

"behind every bad girl that's an untold story "

"pain does change people, would you mind if i changed to be blunt and obvious as fuck?"

"im not mean im just showing up my mind "

"dont let anyone know you cried how many times because they wouldn't trust you "

"be a good liar, but never forget to tell the truth at the end "

"they're not capable enough to break your heart "

"smile, they hate it"

"dont tell anyone that you broke-down, just dont "

"follow your heart but not losing your mind "

"im still the girl i was "

"trust me "

"dont show because theres no point showing "

:) 

try to understand me through these words please 
i would be really cherish for that ;)
i love you

Late post :p

yo :P It's a freezy night and I feel like blogging so I am here to post about what I did in da holiday.

I went to watch a movie with my mum. Guess what movie is it? heh. IT'S CARRIE! hehe. We had Johnny's steamboat. It was so yummy, ugh I am hungry now hahah. Here's some pictures :3

{selca in da toilet}

{hmm}

{I'm hungry man}



I actually realized that I blog lesser than before these days. do you think so? Ugh. I don't know...I am really exhausted these days. I need some rest... so sorry in case I ditched my blog. I probably won't, but I'll leave it for some time(maybe a week) and update it.

Sorry loves. x 

My Working Experience

Today I'm gonna talk about my one week-long working experience~ zzZzZzZzZzz

WORKING ? SUCKS. :Q

If you try once, you will feel very very tired and don't wanna work anymore !!! GRRR

after I got a job that I really don't like ,I just accept it ..honestly is just for mon$ney to buy my dearest guitar~ AWWW :3

Working is hard and exhausting ,I tried so I know that how toilful is my mum and dad. So guys, please ,don't let your papa and mama get angry and upset yea. They are great ,and should be loved :)

Another things that I learn by work is need to STUDY HARD, yea, very hard..

We have to study hard to get a good job that you like and comfortable isn't ? So we need to be hard now, don't let your laziness influence your future yeah..

Lastly ,I wanna grumble that WORKING ARE FREAKING ANNOYING ! >:(

{super damn}

A super good experience for me...hmmm :)

{not bad experience}