Never enough

All the shine of thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough, never be enough

A new hairstyle to make yourself look better, they say you look worse
Extra effort on assignments, still an A minus
最近生活好多事情都感覺不如意

好似力不從心

也不知道是不是寂寞在作祟

開始覺得自己不夠美麗不夠好

年齡不再青春漸顯老

都二十歲了 真愛還沒找著 

我失敗嗎我？

朋友告訴我說「真爱这种东西不是找来的，是经营出来的」

好啦 確實是蠻有道理的

但是 沒有姣好的臉蛋 誰在乎你內心多好看？

我已經盡力在把自己變漂亮了

可是旁人的說辭為何總是讓我覺得我不足夠呢？

是真的 也許真的只是寂寞在作祟

這種自卑感 只有在自己一個人的時候 尤其深夜的時候 最為強勁

too much me time, reflecting how lonely I am, how desperate I am for love.

Perhaps sometimes all I need is just sleep, at least when I’m asleep

I’ll not think that I am never good enough.

每次寫部落格文章我總是會在最後的時候鼓勵自己

因為我相信世界是有真善美 是積極正面的。

我會有變自信、變漂亮、讓旁人刮目相看的一天的。

可是 問題來了

假如我真的變自信、變漂亮、讓你刮目相看了，

我，還會是我嗎？

假如有天你發現我內心也很漂亮，

你，還會是你嗎？

Never enough.

— 

There is nothing I am not worthy of.

Wanderer

Like a drifter you are,

There’s nowhere you belong;

The place you called home,

You don’t stay for long.

You want to be set free,

But you’re abandoned;

Because among all these stones,

You are a pea.

What a tragedy,

The heart suffers from an injury,

Fake love is your remedy,

Loneliness is your enemy.

All you want is to feel loved after all, 

Is to belong to a shelter you can call home;

Like how the seawater leans on the seashore,

Or a mind that can comprehend, a soul that is grown.

Clenched heart.

Words can burn you like fire,

Words can sting your heart like a bee.

If truth is what you desire, 

Be careful with how upset you’ll be.

Some words are better left unsaid,

Some thoughts are suppressed, but ingrained in your mind, they stayed.

Is the world cruel,

Or is humankind brutal?

Looked into the mirror,

Who am I again?

Living life in terror,

Surviving in flames.

Heart is clenched,

Sadness is like a cycle, it never ends.

A poem about him

He knows.

He knows that I'm in love with him.

Every single word he says,

Pushing me so far away;

I dare not even to stare,

He cannot take time to care;

He does not like me,

He just wants to play.

To him, life's like a game;

Playing with my feelings is a part which is lame.

Fame? He does not want it,

All he wants is a couple billions of side chicks.

One day, in the middle of the night;

A phone call from him makes her smile so bright.

She was so delight,

Thought he was the knight,

Who would have known, that things have changed?

His pretty face's the same, nothing else remains.

She cries a lot, her heart breaks into pieces;

Shattered by words, hiding in a blanket and shivers.

No one has ever hurt her like how he did.

What's the power of this little shit?

Two different worlds but she fell for him;

In the world of love, she never wins.

It’s 2018

I cannot believe how quick time flies. I was going to update a recap of my 2017 before it ends but it ended, so soon. 

2017 has been a great year for me, I turn 18 & it was a turning point of my life, a transitional period from a high school student into a university student. From naive to slowly becoming matured. Lost my phone, bought one, worked, studied, realised.

In 2017,

I scored pretty decent grade for my Sem1 & Sem2 of foundation. I feel grateful and really glad, but to not turn my excitement into a show off, I did not post it on social media or tell the entire world about it. I guess I will continue to work hard in silence and let my success make the noise.(but not so much noise I guess, I fear.)

I also bought an iPhone 6 using my own money from working last year.

I got both motorcycle and car driving license. I failed once for both test but guess what I passed them eventually. Hehe. (I literally jumped and yelled at the driving institution after knowing I passed)

I reconnected back with my high school crush. I didn’t tell him I liked him though, although my actions pretty much showed everything 😂 he was someone who would play guitar to me, someone who was very special, mysterious. I don’t think he liked me though hahahahah :/ but everything was a “was”. He changed and started to smoke, started to consume alcohol, he also told me that he probably has depression. Well. I was having a tough time knowing that he’s changed but I got over it and moved on. We don’t talk anymore. But he was still a quite vital person during my high school life thus yeah. I think I will make him a card for his birthday this year(2018). But trust me though, I have moved on. I will be continue searching for my true love this year~

In 2018,

I wish to be better. It’s something I say every single new year but hey, who doesn’t want to strive for better? 

I wish to find a boyfriend, and in order to do that

I have to become prettier. I have to started being more fashionable(this was my new year resolutions a few years ago wtf cece u unproductive lil shit)

I have to spend money on things I love. Food, clothes, stop hesitating. You’re almost 19 Cece, nothing to hold back anymore. But still control abit la LOL

2018 will also be the year I officially move to Kampar. Many things will change, and we will see. Hope things change for the better, not for worse.

Next update will be about new year I guess. Oh ya, I also came up with an idea of creating a Vlog, for my evolution (LMAO) and I will start Vlogging about slowly becoming more fashionable I guess? 😂🤣 also the new year video I had been talking last year which didn’t happen 😅😐 hahaha! 

I also kind of want to reupload videos of me singing song covers and songs I wrote? 🤔

I too, want to have tattoos to cover up my hideous looking scars. 😭😢😞

I’m currently sitting at Starbucks alone, blogging. I’m leaving now, because I feel like peeing and I guess that’s all for this post? 

❤️